The Greatest Pain, Comingling with the Greatest Joy

It's been almost 2 years since my mom passed. Almost 2 years since I birthed my son. The anniversary of her death will always be the anniversary of his life! 

God truly is intentional. He knew I would need to balance losing my mom (one of the most devastating experiences of my life) with the birth of my son (who I knew would be a son and dreamed of since the week CeeCee was born. I saw a little boy that looked just like CeeCee 🙄).  
Nothing happens by mistake. I wanted to get pregnant immediately after CeeCee. It didn't happen. And I was like okay, whatever. I will just go back to school and work on me. Bam! pregnant! Lol. Then he tried to come early at 27 weeks and again at 30 and 32 weeks (they admitted me and told me I had a 92% chance of delivering that week).I was put on meds, monitoring, and bedrest. Literally 2 days after I got the clear from my doctor, my mom passed. No more bedrest or meds and I made it to full term. But lost my mom? So confusing to process. But then I look at this little baby and feel so much joy? I will never understand how I'm in my right mind after experiencing all that but I'm grateful.

And daily my son brings me joy. He makes me laugh so hard. I see so much of her in both my kids. I will always miss her but I'm glad there is balance.


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