Love, Marriage. Divorce.

I'm not exactly sure what part brought me to tears as I held both a wedding invitation from my friend and a letter from my dad in my hand.  I don't even remember which one I opened first.  I got so excited when I read the invitation, and had a chuckle at the "No kids" warning lol.  But I immediately became overwhelmed with tears when I opened the other letter to see, first, pictures of me, my dad, and my sister from ages 0-5, an invoice for his last child support payments, and a written letter.  Okay, I know it was the baby pictures.  Because after marriage comes baby.  It was just too much receiving both letters together!

While I am so happy for my friend getting married, I must admit that marriage scares me. I want to be married. Yes. But, I have my reservations.  My mom and dad are battling through letter about how much my dad still owes on child support.  I'm 24.

I understand that he owes back child support and that it just wasn't fair for my mom to raise my older sister and I by herself.  The money that she was getting up until February was going to paying down the debt she has and helping me out here and there.

But then again, my dad says he's been paying for all these years and just wants to come up with a settlement but for my mom, the numbers don't add up.  She wants at least half and according to her calculations, he wants to only pay about 15%.

So they tried to make me and my sister in the middle. Both of them want me to trust them and I don't trust either of them. I'm upset that this is even affecting me.  I'm totally done with the whole situation and I will do whatever I have to do to make sure that no children of mine will ever have to go through anything like this.

It's like I already didn't have my dad growing up, and just when we were getting closer, this happened.  I'm truthfully upset with both parents but my mom has been there so I kind of pulled back from my dad.  But I love him! Torn in between the two...

Ugh! I feel so super whack but this too shall pass.



25champ said...

I understand ur frustration, but as a father I know that it aint as always as easy as it seems not having ur child with u. I have custody of my oldest and my youngest daughter lives with her mom. Although I take care of both of them, when I have issues with my oldest as far as taken care of her it is easier to make personal sacrifies at home 2 accomidate her , but the baby that lives with's not always simple to get that money 2 her on time. I take pride in being a good father and there mothers have no complaints, but at the sametime the walls may seem to be caving in. Most time u don't see the mans struggle u just c what ur mom is going thru. If he has been there somewhat during ur life than I'm sure that's really because he wants to be so just bare with ur folks they will get it right.

Brittany said...

You should be a writer. You definitely pulled me in with your title and beginning sentences. I soooo feel you on this. I think you are right to pull away. You're not choosing sides so you have to pull away. You're a strong young woman. Luv u! Pray girl, just pray.

Reggie said...

When two people become estranged and children are involved, it's a dicey situation. The one thing that should never be questioned though is the support for the children. Sometimes people seem to get it twisted about who wronged who and who should have done what. When children are involved, none of that matters as far as child support is concerned; and that money is for the sake of the children. Children will forever need money and whether that child support is coming from the father or the ought to be paid and it ought to be paid in full.

Ms. Camile said...

Thank y'all for your comments!

@25champ, i will bare with them. I'm just over it. I'M TWENTY FOUR. The youngest child of their union so I just dont care anymore ya know?

@Brittany, thanks boo! And i will be praying and I know you have a very good idea of what I'm going though.

@Reggie I agree with you. My dad is tripping because he feels that he shouldnt still owe. I'm like if that's how you feel dad, ok but I don't want to know about it. He keeps trying to bring me into it. I'm getting mad but I want to respect him.