Grief Your Way

I’m no expert. I have half a degree in marital and family therapy, I’ve been to grief therapy twice and I’ve been losing loved ones dear to me since I was 5 years old (old family). 

I still remember losing my grandmother when I was 11. She was literally my best friend. I cried and I let myself feel everything. I was grieving how my mind knew how at that young age. I think it helped me that I had helped take care of her on her death bed. I helped bathe her, dress her, comb her hair and I was able to see her in so much pain and honestly exhausted and ready to be free. 

I remember telling her I loved her every chance I could get. And though she couldn’t say much, she would respond, “I love you Camile.”

I still remember shopping with her on Wednesdays and getting a scoop of ice cream at Thrifty’s while we picked up her medicine. She usually got strawberry. I got some off the wall flavor. 

I will always miss her. 

I’ve written about grief here. I’m three years out from losing my mother. I remember how strong she tried to be when she lost her mother. I remember her crying so much. I remember her heart breaking because as much as my grandmother was my best friend in the way a granddaughter looks up to her grandmother, she was my mom’s best friend, safe space, advocate, and so much more. 

When I lost my mom I understood her grief more. 

Three years out and I can say I am okay. No life will never be the same but I’m at peace. I allowed myself to truly tap into the profound loss of my mom. I went to grief therapy and I did my best to not get lost. 

I will always miss her. 

As I see people around me losing loved ones, I want to encourage you to feel all your feelings. Cry, scream, rage, write, journal, go to therapy, shop, recognize patterns you want to eliminate, evaluate your life and how you’ll life even greater than before. 

Do all the things that will help you not get stuck in grieving your loved one on an unhealthy way for the rest of your life. One thing is for certain, you re-memorializing them and living in an unshakable and perpetual state of sadness and depression will never bring them honor. If they lived a life that made you proud, in turn live a life that will make them even prouder. If their story was still being written and you feel their life was cut too short, use their inspiration to further their legacy, vision or work. 

Let the rest of your life be an addition to the life they lived. 

*Disclaimer: this is not directed toward parents losing a child. That type of grief if not one I have experience with and it’s so unnatural to me for one to even have to experience. I cannot and would not direct someone on how to navigate that pain and I realize perpetual sadness is the norm for a parent grieving a life that never had the chance to have a proper legacy. 

~Cam