My Life. My Thoughts. My Therapy Through Written Expression.
6/13/2010
Advice, Opinions, and Fact
So first of all, you can't have everyone all up in ya business. It just gets messy! I know this and I know this by experience. When I'm excited, I can barely hold stuff in! When I was younger, I would tell as many people as I could. But when it would backfire, I'd have that many more people to break the news. Devastating...
But as I grow and mature, I have my "Ones" who I tell stuff. You know, my good friends who genuinely want to know what's going on in my life and then I have my "wise council".
My wise counselors tend to be older women and men who's lives I have truly learned from. They aren't perfect and may not even be exactly where they want to be on their journeys but they've been open with me and have shared experiences and trials that have given me fuel to make great decisions in my own life. These people have been "through" and have stood the test of time in relationships (some failed and some successful), businesses, raising children, love.... And they aren't afraid to say, "Cam, ya trippin' dog!" So I really trust these people and when I'm making a major decision that I'm feeling a little iffy about, I will call on one of them who I feel can help. Thank you Lord for wise council.
So now to the point. Things get sticky when some of my "Ones" think that I'm actually asking them for advice lol. HOLD UP! I want to say something but I feel that it would come out rude and I'm trying to stray from that image. I am NOT rude. lol. But JUST because I'm telling you something (most of the time, only because you asked) does not mean that I am seeking your advice. Sometimes people just need to learn to listen. I have a friend, who is very dear to me. He calls me up and he vents. I listen. Then he says "All right" and hangs up. I do not try to give him advice. Why? He starts each vent session off with the statement "I don't want your advice." lol. And I thought he was bluffing at first but when I tried to give him advice one time, he hung up hahhahahahha so I JUST listen!
When people are giving me unsolicited "advice" I listen and I say whether or not I agree. I'm not fool enough to reject what someone is saying just because I didn't ask for their opinion. They may actually say something that I need to hear. But in most cases, they prove to me why they are not in the wise council section of my life. And then they have the audacity to get mad if I don't agree with their point and don't take their advice. Um...did you know that this wasn't a debate? This is my life. I consult God, then I talk it out with myself, blog about it, journal, and then I MAY consult a friend. This just shows how selfish people are. You're mad at me because I wouldn't take your advice for MY situation? Your opinion...hmmm....Makes no sense. The entitlement that people feel to be a force in my life amazes me.
You can't make yourself be my counselor. I am very, very picky (rightfully so) about who I allow to influence my decisions. People will quickly lead you astray and then deny their involvement. Remember that episode of Martin when Martin had Cole cussing his mama out and then Cole ended up moving in with him and Gina? See! And the first thing Martin said was, "I didn't really mean to talk to your mom like that." smh
Recently, a friend gave me "advice" on dating. Just because this person is married, they feel that they know EVERY thing about marriage and feels the need to "coach" me into one. This person feels that they have alllllll the answers. Um...you married the first person you ever dated! lol You don't have no dating experience lol so I CANNOT use your advice. Please stop! Ok I'm done. I'm getting mad thinking about it!
I am feeling the post. Fortunately we live in a society where information is always at the tip of our fingers, and we are able to access everything. Unfortunately, our lives appear to be accessible as well. So it would do everyone justice to really learn how to deal with the ones that, in your words, offer "unsolicited" advice, opinions and fact. Or, what they conclude to be fact.
I just try to take what I need, don't be greedy, and throw away all that I do not need in my life.
I've been known to offer unsolicited advice, but as I've gotten older, I've gotten better at keeping my mouth shut.
I've always been very careful who I tell my business to. Its a fact that the only way three women can keep a secret is if two of them are dead. I hate for people to tell my business, so I'm very careful about who I share it with.
Let me tell you something about married people, from someone who's been married for more than 20 years. All married people are one conversation away from being divorced........just one. The one's that think they aren't, are living in lala land and need to get a grip. It is what it is.
l] : an assembly of persons summoned or convened for consultation, deliberation, or advice.
2 comments:
I am feeling the post. Fortunately we live in a society where information is always at the tip of our fingers, and we are able to access everything. Unfortunately, our lives appear to be accessible as well. So it would do everyone justice to really learn how to deal with the ones that, in your words, offer "unsolicited" advice, opinions and fact. Or, what they conclude to be fact.
I just try to take what I need, don't be greedy, and throw away all that I do not need in my life.
I hear ya Cam.......and I'm guilty as charged.
I've been known to offer unsolicited advice, but as I've gotten older, I've gotten better at keeping my mouth shut.
I've always been very careful who I tell my business to. Its a fact that the only way three women can keep a secret is if two of them are dead. I hate for people to tell my business, so I'm very careful about who I share it with.
Let me tell you something about married people, from someone who's been married for more than 20 years. All married people are one conversation away from being divorced........just one. The one's that think they aren't, are living in lala land and need to get a grip. It is what it is.
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