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6/29/2010

OOH I'm Feeling Myself! /Friends- A choice- NOT a Mandate

So...I was voicing my concern over a friendship that has seemed to have run it's course! And the party who inquired about this relationship said something crazy like "Well you have to be friends! It's just like family. You don't like all your family!"  lol I really laughed heartily at her deceleration.  It's ludicrous to say and actually believe that I HAVE to be friends with someone/anyone just because we've been friends for so long.  Yes I believe that some relationships are covenant relationships like marriages and offspring which can't be severed just because you're mad. You have to work those things out! And God does place some special people in your life with a divine purpose in mind but when you are the one suffering in a relationship and you detest what the person is about, how can you remain in the situation. IDK I will pray about it but I'm feeling like it's ending! It saddens me but at the same time, I have to do what's best for me! I've spent many years people pleasing and now the only person I'd like to please (if just for a moment) is myself.  Not saying that I want to be selfish but I shouldn't come last ALL the dang time!

In better news, I have a new boo. And I really like him. He's soooooo sweet to me! And he's goofy lol. Never did I think I'd find someone who's more goofier than me.  But he's a man. He takes care of business and that's what I really like about him.  I feel secure with him and I know that he likes me for me!

It was very important for me to find someone to like me for me, BEFORE I reached my weight loss goal.  I love myself!  I have a confidence that has grown over time and I'm just really grateful for how far I've come but at the beginning of this weight loss journey (45 down and 35-40 more to go), I said to myself, NO man that has known me for years and had the chance to holler, better try to holler after I'm looking better than I've ever looked before! This same situation happened in high school. I wasn't getting much play.  I was the "home-girl" and everyone's sister! I had a boyfriend or two but they didn't go to my school. And it made me upset because I wanted to kiss on the stadium steps! lol I wanted to flaunt my boo around school and have him carry my books up the 10,000 flights of stairs (okay there were only 4!).  But I settled for weekend dates and after school phone calls. But come senior year, I lost about 30 lbs and all of a sudden I was a hot girl! I got so much attention and so much play not just from the boys at school but the around the neighborhood as well. And that hurt me. Why wasn't I good enough as I was.  Fat Camile is the same as Thinner Camile...And I carried that hurt with me through the years.


Until I realized something.  The guys were attracted to the confidence! Not the weight loss. OOOOHHH was I feeling myself when I shed that poundage in HS.  I let the weight loss get to my head and subsequently, I gained that weight back and some! Arrgggghhhh. I was a bit of a monster lol. I put my confidence in the weihgt loss and not in myself.   But this time it was different.  Before I set off on weight loss journey number two, I prayed, I asked myself why I wanted to lose the weight, and I accepted myself and my body for what it was at my highest weight.  I decided to love myself as a big girl.  And now 40+ pounds later, I still have that same love for myself. I still have a long way to go but I appreciate my body now the same way I will when I actually reach that goal! And I know how to keep it off. It takes determination, exercise, and not beating yourself up if you slip up. So I'm happy and I can truly say that I was confident, motivated, strong, and I knew that I was beautiful before my boo and I met! And this fact truly makes me smile. 



(me in the middle mid-way through my weight loss journey!)




~Cam

4 comments:

25champ said...

I feel u 100. U r not obligated to be friends with anyone. I know that sometimes ppl are friends because of convience and that sometimes lasts a very longtime. I was told that "a friendship that is lost, never was". I also agree with u about weight lost and confidence. Real men don't really care about the weight just about how u feel about urself.If u are happy then we are happy, but if u are unhappy then we are miserable. Good Read!

Brittany said...

Yes Cam! You are such an inspiration and I just went through what you went through during your first weight loss. Now it's about being confident with who I am no matter what weight and going towards healthiness not thinness. I had to drop my best friend so I understand where you're coming from with losing friends. The reality is (though it might sound corny) is that our real best friend is Jesus Christ. Kiki Sheard's "My Boyfriend" is on point with that fact. I just got "Bold Right Life" and that song came right on time as I am contemplating a relationship with someone. Jesus has to be my one and only boo before I get into a relationship with anyone (what makes it better is that this man is really living for Christ so I know he understands.) Anyway sis, glad you're doing well. We should get together soon!

Reggie said...

Lose all the weight you want Camile; but please don't forget that don't nobody want a bone but a dog!!!

I know that there are billions of men out there with definitions of beauty that I might not ascribe to; but I have no problem telling you that the only thing that a woman that weighs 100 pounds can do for me is to point to one that weighs 150!!!

I've never been too fond of the little ones. To me they're like an appetizer when a man is hungry. Ain't nothing wrong with them, but they'll never fill you up.

I've always been of the mindset that when a woman puts a thong on, her butt meat is supposed to cover most of the thong up, if it doesn't........then what's the point?!?

Ms. Camile said...

hahahhahhaha...hhahahhaha @Reggie! My goal is 150! But i'll see how I like it around 170 and I may stop there! MEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTT Tomorrow! Yes!

@25champ Thank you for agreeing. Friends should add to your life not make is miserable lol. And ur so right! I wish i knew that years ago about men!