In better news, I have a new boo. And I really like him. He's soooooo sweet to me! And he's goofy lol. Never did I think I'd find someone who's more goofier than me. But he's a man. He takes care of business and that's what I really like about him. I feel secure with him and I know that he likes me for me!
It was very important for me to find someone to like me for me, BEFORE I reached my weight loss goal. I love myself! I have a confidence that has grown over time and I'm just really grateful for how far I've come but at the beginning of this weight loss journey (45 down and 35-40 more to go), I said to myself, NO man that has known me for years and had the chance to holler, better try to holler after I'm looking better than I've ever looked before! This same situation happened in high school. I wasn't getting much play. I was the "home-girl" and everyone's sister! I had a boyfriend or two but they didn't go to my school. And it made me upset because I wanted to kiss on the stadium steps! lol I wanted to flaunt my boo around school and have him carry my books up the 10,000 flights of stairs (okay there were only 4!). But I settled for weekend dates and after school phone calls. But come senior year, I lost about 30 lbs and all of a sudden I was a hot girl! I got so much attention and so much play not just from the boys at school but the around the neighborhood as well. And that hurt me. Why wasn't I good enough as I was. Fat Camile is the same as Thinner Camile...And I carried that hurt with me through the years.
Until I realized something. The guys were attracted to the confidence! Not the weight loss. OOOOHHH was I feeling myself when I shed that poundage in HS. I let the weight loss get to my head and subsequently, I gained that weight back and some! Arrgggghhhh. I was a bit of a monster lol. I put my confidence in the weihgt loss and not in myself. But this time it was different. Before I set off on weight loss journey number two, I prayed, I asked myself why I wanted to lose the weight, and I accepted myself and my body for what it was at my highest weight. I decided to love myself as a big girl. And now 40+ pounds later, I still have that same love for myself. I still have a long way to go but I appreciate my body now the same way I will when I actually reach that goal! And I know how to keep it off. It takes determination, exercise, and not beating yourself up if you slip up. So I'm happy and I can truly say that I was confident, motivated, strong, and I knew that I was beautiful before my boo and I met! And this fact truly makes me smile.
(me in the middle mid-way through my weight loss journey!)