Pages

2/22/2010

I Believe

If there were only reality, it would suffocate dreams...if there were only reality and no hope in anything else accept the circumstances I see, Lord I'd be lost and miserable forever. I wouldn't be able to write, I wouldn't be able to sing, I wouldn't be able  to smile because this is what reality says to me today...

I really feel like a failure right now....I was supposed to get straight A's last semester so that my GPA could be a 3.0...and everything came against me in that last semester...I failed resulting in graduating with a 2.9....and because of that I have been unsuccessful thus far in gaining entrance into a graduate program....sigh. So I have  a plan! Let me get  a second B.A. and that will up my GPA....no schools are accepting applicants for 2nd bachelor's...Can't find a job, no significant other, dwindling friends, some sort of skin malfunction, stress, tears....this is my reality.

re·al·i·ty

[ree-al-i-tee] Show IPA
–noun,plural-ties for 3, 5–7.
1.the state or quality of being real.
2.resemblance to what is real.
3.a real thing or fact.
4.real things, facts, or events taken as a whole; state of affairs: the reality of the business world; vacationing to escape reality.
5.Philosophy.

a.something that exists independently of ideas concerning it.
b.something that exists independently of all other things and from which all other things derive.
reality.....REALITY...Re...al..i...ty.
I have to come out of this on top. I'm so glad that I know that God doesn't deal in reality but almost a year after graduation and no job, it's hard to believe...

3 long years after he broke my heart and totally trampled over the pure love I offered, he's married and I haven't even been on a decent date with some1 who I actually care about....it's just so hard to believe!

After sending out countless resumes and sending up constant prayers...it's just so hard to still believe...


But seeing him do it for so many others, my initial reaction is to be jealous or mad but that isn't me so after I pray that away, I see the faith and that He will provide and come through....I know it but it's just so hard to believe.

But the small ounce of belief that I have left, I will believe....they help me believe:


Amber Riley- Glee
Brittany McClelland -USC
Megan Sarceni- Loyola
Danielle Truitt -Princess and the Frog
Brooke and BJ-Marriage/ Grad School/ Careers
Sheena and Jeramee- Marriage/ Careers

I believe.
 

And with that, I wipe my tears away.  I put a smile on my face. And I head into my prayer closet aka the shower lol


~Cam

No comments: