Sick/Helpless

Man...today was such a trying and ...I can't even describe it.  So I'm like God are you trying to show me what I'm supposed to be doing through these situations in my life. Well I really do not do good with guessing signals.  I'm like really confused and utterly frustrated right now...

There's this boy. 12 years old I think and he has "Tourette syndrome".  but the only Problem is that it isn't Tourette syndrome how I've ever seen it.  the first time I witnessed an episode, he was biting himself, scratching himself, ramming his body up against the wall, and crawling on all fours.  It lasted about an hour.  But I thought he was faking.

Fastforward, he had another episode on Tuesday and he did much of the same but he made this weird noise the whole time. And after it was all over, he just kept saying "help me" and we had a long talk about it. He said he feels like different monsters take over his body.  He can feel it coming on but can't stop it and he says the monsters are violent.  They want him to attack but he hurts himself so he won't hurt others....He just kept repeating help me and when I asked him how, he said he didn't know.  He told me he was afraid because he feels like he will hurt someone.  He feels as if the monster are taking over his life. And they are...

On Wednesday, he went to psych ward after having an episode in the Dr.'s office. They were going to keep him over night to run tests but his mom didn't want him staying overnight (which is a whole other story) so they put him on really heavy med and sent him home....worst thing the could have ever done!

Today he had the worst episode ever!  It lasted for over 3 hours. It was just heartbreaking to watch. He was trying with all his might to stop it! He was crying the whole time saying help! help! over and over for 3 hours all while trying to stop the weird noise, the growling, and the barking. He started barking like a dog today.... and he scratched the wall and everything else.  And with each, help me, my head began to pound more and more.  With each tear, my heart broke a little more. I mean I was crying, he was crying, his mom was crying, and the principle...and all the kids were watching. It was just so sobering and hurtful.... I just want to get him help! He's such a bright kid.

I talked to someone who is like a mom to me.  After his episode Tueaday, I thought it was a demon because he had a smirk on his face when he was crawling....I talked to her about it becaue she has expertise in that area and she agreed with me.  SHe told me that God was working with me in that area. So heavy! Yes, I beleive in demons and the bible says we have power to cast them out but now, me....right now? I feel so unprepared! So caught off guard and side swiped....

And all while he was going  through, all I could hear was cast that demon out! And that's why my headache kept getting worse. I really just wanted the boy to leave so by the end of that 3 hours I felt sick to my stomach....I just don't know if I can do what I think I am being asked to do.  I know there is a stigma associated with believing in this type of thing but seriosuly I dont care. If God said it, so be it and I dont feel as if I will be at peace until his will is done.


I can't write anymore...

~Cam