This Too Shall Pass?

I want to berate myself and speak of how bad my life sucks right now, but I do see the blessings in the many situations and people I counter everyday.  The kids I teach are reading very well.  They used to stumble over words and give up but now, they are reading with such ease and this makes me smile.  And it makes me feel as if I haven't wasted a year of my life even though everyone else gives me "that look" as if I'm some failure.

Every time I want to complain I think about the breathe it would take to do such.  And then with each tear, I can feel it trickle and I can feel the source of its pain.  Some people can't even cry. How terrible that would be because after I cry, and pray, and meditate, I feel better... most times.  I want to say life is just not fair but everyone knows that and for every punishment, there was first an offense, so who am I to feel as if I should be free from the law. I just ain't that special.  I want to be sad, and right now I am, a little, but I know that tomorrow it will look better. Tomorrow, I will feel better...

I just want to make sure that how I feel right now, like giving up, stopping, and laying down, will not be my life forever.  These moments used to be so far apart but now they're coming closer together.  The more I pray, the more I trust, the more lost I feel? The more my life seems to be crumbling into pieces around my feet? No, it can't be like this forever. Because I've been believing and I want to keep believing. I want to see all of this work out for my good.


~Cam