"I'm on some new..Chuckin' my deuces up to her. I'm moving on to something better, better, better.."
That song has been playing in my head like non stop for the last week or two. Though I'm not saying bye to anyone in particular, I'm saying bye to ways of thinking that have kept me in a bound state of mind. I guess I feel kind of rejuvenated. For the past year, I've been griping over what my life is NOT instead of fully embracing what it is. I've wasted so much time but instead of kicking me in the hinney, I'm embracing the time that I have now. I'm cooking more, picking back up the pen (or keyboard for that matter) and getting back into my creativity! I could have written a book, way more songs, began learning piano again....But I digress. By listing what I haven't done I'm just placing more negativity back into my space. I refuse to settle so if I can't find a job that will promote my happiness, move me forward and toward my dream career, and is resume worthy, I will wait (Thanks Bri!). I have a great man who supports me, a great spiritual covering, awesome family, and a host of friends who are truly just extended family.
But let me back track. I really do love my man. I've known him since 2004 but we weren't ready for each other back then. But man the growth that took place in both of us over the last 6 years is remarkable. It's funny how you want something but aren't ready for it. And then others around you will make it seem like you're weird if you don't have it. I'm like one of the last persons in my family that has yet to have children. If I would've heard "When are you going to have a baby?" one more time!
But alas, May 2010, me and "O" were able to hook up and he is truly a blessing. A blessing that I was not even feeling at first. I'm like I barely have a job, I'm still figuring my life out....What type of woman can I even be to you? I'm emotional, moody, and just a tad self-centered at this state in my life. But through these last few months, he's truly taught me what unconditional love is. No matter how I act (I mean don't get it twisted I'm most of the time sweet! lol), he loves me. And a smile is always on his face. He checks on me, takes care of me, and he assures me that it will be okay. Someone once asked me, "Who takes care of you, who prays for you?" because they said I'm always doing for others. And the answer is "O". While I take care of the world, he takes care of me! And it's such a blessing. When I'm bratty and pouty, he STILL has that smile. I'd want to kick me but he just loves me more! But don't get it twisted. He loves me enough to correct me and be firm with me too but always in a loving way!
So instead of being sad and worrying about what I DON'T have, I'm UBER thankful for the awesomeness that surrounds me. A while ago, I thought about changing the name of my blog. I was thinking, "Man how wonderful is my life?" smh. My life is awesome and I'm truly convinced that more love can change any situation as Toure Roberts (an awesome man of God) continuously reminds me!