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7/05/2011

My Lament!


MY LAMENT


So in light of my current situation, I've decided that I will write post-it notes and hand them out so that no one will get physically hurt or fussed out.  Because I'm so unsure of how I will react when the next person baggers the heck out of me about my face!  I have something called "moon face". My face looks like a pie due to the meds I'm taking for my lungs.

Ok so it's one thing for someone to say "Hey are you ok. I notice your face looks different.” Then I say, "Oh I'm taking meds for my lungs.  My face is swollen.".  End of conversation.  But some people are rude, tactless, and just idiotic and go on and on bringing it up multiple times within the conversation. I've gotten everything from "daaaaang" to "just stop taking the medicine", "better you than me" and one person went on and on with jokes.  “Ooh you’re getting fat!”  “Why are you taking the medicine?”  I'm like ok so "I’m taking medicine and it's making my face swell up," should be the end of that conversation.  Who wants to continue to discuss something that obviously isn't a highlight of life?  I know people are curious but if I haven't invited you in and that's the information I've given, then that's it!

So there's two things.  I realize that I'm a nosy person and I ask questions but I'm also a caring individual so I know how to be tactful and I know when people WANT to talk and how to get them to do it.  I have many a life story and secret tucked safely in my brain.  Natural born counselor.  Everyone doesn't have that gift!  So I can't get mad at these people…but I am!  Because why would you continue to ask someone questions multiple times if they've explained to you what the freaking deal is.  "So what meds. And why." (Scroll up). "I'm taking medicine for my lungs!”  "But why? What's wrong with your lungs.” Disconnect.  Because I've given you the info that you’re going to get!

*sigh* which brings me to realization number 2!  I'm a very private person.  I didn't consider myself to be.  I mean I have SOOO many friends and so many people "know" me but even with the marriage stuff.  Like people still mad that I didn't tell them I was getting married and I'm like I told who needed to know.  And then with this med stuff.  I told who I wanted to tell the intricate details.  I told people who I knew would pray diligently and keep me encouraged.  Does everyone even care to know all the little details and my daily struggles?  Will everyone read my health update emails as I wait on God to completely heal my body?  No!  so why would I take the time to like go in my phone book and call everyone and say hey this is what’s going on.  “WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME!!!???”  *Blank stare*

So I've given the details in this blog!  Well an overview.  I was weary at first but then I realized that SOME people read my blog but not everyone. But it was my way of giving the information for whoever was willing to read it.  That way I could still be private and say well, it's on my blog!  Lol.  But now with this outward manifestation (moon face), I feel sooooo exposed. Like I HAVE to tell people.  So when I haven't seen someone in a while, what do I say, "I know.  My face is swollen. Taking meds for an issue with my lungs.”  Hoping the convo will end there.  Who the heck wants to talk daily about the thing they are trying NOT to think about with each person they come in contact with.  It's actually quite humiliating.  But I just keep giving it to God.  Not angry, just hurt. Wish there was no outside symptom.  But even when all this medical stuff first began and my skin was all hard and burnt "Ooh Camile what's wrong with your skin?  Why are you so dark now?"  People just say whatever they want!  No regard.  Smh.  Feeling so much like Job. But amen his story had a favorable end.

Ok I'm done with my rant.  Back to happy.  I love my job.  Very proud of the work we do!  And I'm very excited that God is healing my body bit by bit.  And thank God I’m still cute with my moon face!  I found an herbalist and am trying to go that route because if the doctor puts me on ONE MORE medicine I'm gonna scream! 

And I still love my husband.  Approaching a year very quickly.  I'm blessed by our relationship. It isn't perfect but we really work at it and we are learning how to serve one another.  Marriage is great! And I'm in it for the long haul so even when I'm annoyed or upset I remember that this is it lol so we may as well fix it.  We haven't even been mad at each other longer than a couple hours.  And we can laugh and talk together for hours on end.  I really have a best friend in O.  Now THAT's a blessing.

~Cam

3 comments:

Ominy said...

I am SO proud of you for sharing this! I know it may continue to be annoying as hell but remember the motivating factor behind people's reaction. Satan wants you to lose Camile. Even when you're having a good day, he has already planned how or who is going to get to you next. Stay strong! Greater is He that is IN YOU that any other thing, person, or factor in this world.

I love you! :)

25champ said...

I cosign wit @ominy....and u r very blessed and a blessing ;) I love your positive attitude and God Bless you and your husband

Ms. Camile said...

Thanks to both of you! it felt good to get that out lol. I felt really good afterwards. I will remain positive! I've declared that I won't worry or stress about anything ever again. I'm going to look to God to keep that word as I give everything to him.

Thanks for the encouragement y'all!