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5/24/2012

Healing Devotional 5/24/12 - Letting Go

Healing Devotional 5/24/2012 Sick and unhappy. I was SO mad at God. I'm still going through this trial but I had to recognize my anger and give it to Him. The same person I'm mad at, I had to turn it over to because I know he's the only one who can fix this.  Why was I mad? I think I've lived a pretty good life. Didn't grow up in the church but once I became saved, I really tried my best to live for God. I wasn't out there being a big ole hoe or doing drugs or even lying, cheating, and cussing people. So I thought, why do I even have to go through this mess?  The pain, the insecurities over my changing outer appearance, the attacks my skin suffers,  THE PHYSICAL PAIN...I just couldn't understand why God would do this to me?  Why did God hate me?  Why would God allow me to go through this? My mind still wanders here. This is a daily battle. Sometimes by the minute.  But God is faithful. Look at what he did for Job. A year or two before my ordeal began, I felt it so heavy on my spirit to read Job. And as I have gone through over these three years I've come to read Job 3 more times. God is so funny. Like he will press my spirit until I have no choice but to read it. Like I can't even feel right reading anything else. It got to the point where anytime I turned on Christian radio, the pastor was talking about Job! Heck, my favorite gospel artist Mali Music came out with a "Job Experience" song! And as my anger dissipates toward God, I remember what he told Job. He is that He is.  His ways aren't my ways and his thoughts aren't my thoughts. I may never understand why I'm going through this but I know I will be able to help someone else. I know that God will get the glory.  And I know that God has never left me.  And as that anger dissipates I realize that I'm just left with a broken heart. Sometimes God can't be felt. Sometimes I feel like prayers are for nothing. But I keep pushing because what's the alternative?   This post helped: http://www.christianblog.com/blog/kreynolds/but-god-i-dont-understand/ Letting go of my anger and hurt a little more each day. Who am I NOT to have to go through?  And who is God that He cannot fix any and everything? ~Cam

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