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7/31/2012

Let It Go! Let HIM Go.




Let it Go!

Relationships sometimes end.   That's just a normal part of life.  Familial, friend, acquaintance, corporate and romantic relationships are all subject to change due to either mutual desires to spilt or one party's actions or decisions.  Romantic relationships seem to be the hardest to get over (after familial relationships of course).  The person who you've spent your days thinking a bout, dreaming about, texting, spending long hours on the phone with, and planning a future with, leaving your life, is sometimes so hard to take, especially when you didn't see it coming.  

But alas, even if this spilt hit you from left field, you can't go on with things as if they did not change. Some people try but it is fact that you cannot be in a relationship by yourself. But that's a whole different blog. 

What steps do you take to get over a significant other?  How long will you feel the grief and heaviness of the relationship coming to an end?  I'm no expert (yet) but I believe getting over heartbreak should take around 1 year for a relationship that lasted less than 5 years.  Just my personal calculations.  Why would you even want to spend more than a year of your life crying over someone who has moved on and is no longer thinking of you.  Yes, we are all different and grieve differently but when a relationship doesn't work out, its time to be strong and move on to the next.  But it does take work on your part!  It is up to you to choose that you will allow God to cleanse those feelings!  If you wallow and continuously let the "what ifs" circle your mind, you will remain love sick and unavailable for the next.  Just because he/she isn't the one doesn't mean there is no one.  

It deeply saddens me when I see people taking 5-10 years getting over someone.  In my humble opinion, some people find comfort in holding on to the victim role.  Y'all were together 3 months and you still tripping after 2 years?  Let's reevaluate here.  We are talking about boyfriend/girlfriend relationships,  not marriage and going through a divorce.  That's a different story.  That's a covenant, a partnership, building a life together...Ooooh...I see!  Y'all were shacking, you treated him like your husband and poured your entire being into this guy, now y'all have soul ties and you're totally broken.  I get it now!

Steps to getting over him

#1  Don't play wifey!  
The role of wife is not to be played out in a dating relationship. Make him work for those amenities by courting you, getting you a phat rock, and making it known before God and family that he is yours.  Don't cook, clean, have extensive prayers sessions.  All of those things make you more intertwined than you should be at that point in the relationship.  I always say cook him a meal, so he knows it's real but you aren't his nightly dining stop.  Speaking of prayer, did you ever notice that when you continuously pray for and with someone, a bond is created?  You think about that person and began to care so deeply. You can even feel their pain. That's just like a sexual soul tie.  You do not want to create that with someone who you aren't meant to be with. And speaking of sex, don't sex him!  That's a benefit of MARRIAGE for a reason and it's the best sex you will ever have. Not because it's "guilt free". But when you have chosen right, you are sharing and intimate act with your best-friend, partner, and someone who will do anything to make you happy and please you.  There's so much more to this topic alone but I'm going to move on.

#2  Don't listen to your favorite love songs
Don't listen to any love songs!  You're getting over someone you either loved or cared for deeply.  Love songs make you want to be in love. They heighten your emotions and can make you an emotional wreck!  Music is powerful.  Save yourself from unnecessary tears.  Turn your radio off and turn your worship and inspirational music on. Journal, speak to God, and pray for God to clean your emotions and remove the remnants of that person.

#3  Distance yourself
In my experience, I usually see guys get over relationships quicker.  So if you see him with a girl and you're not satisfied that he's been done with you long enough it may cause you to either flip out or send you into an emotional break.  You must distance yourself for a while so you can heal.  Stop going to the places y'all mutually visited.  Not forever, just for a time. 
It's very hard to distance when the two of you either work together or serve in ministry.  That's why entering these relationships is a huge risk!  In this case you must distance yourself in your mind and heart.  Pray when you know you're going to see that person.  And ask God to rule your emotions.  You may still get angry and cry at first but it will get better with time and God.

#4  Replace thoughts of them with affirmations of self
What better way to get over someone, than to fall in love with yourself all over again.  God made you beautiful so you're enough to occupy your time until God sends you a new love.  Work out, lose that 10 pounds you've been harping on, buy some new clothing, take yourself to that restaurant you've been wanting to try.  And most importantly, give yourself compliments.  When the thoughts of your ex float through your mind, you say to yourself, "I am beautiful and worthy of a king," or "God made me sweet and God made me unique.  I embrace everything I am today."
Watch out, guys will soon begin flocking to you after this one!  Guys are attracted to confidence and as you rebuild, your confidence will shoot through the roof because you will realize that the relationship didn't end because you're awful.  The relationship could have ended because you two just weren't a good match.  Either way, you are still all the wonderful things you were before the breakup.

Set yourself free.  Let it go!


~Cam



Sent from my iPad

2 comments:

QTP said...

Gr8 tips on how to keep it moving. Best thing is to stop playing the wife/husband when you're not. It's cool to date and spend time together but nowadays "fall in love" too fast. I understand when you really like someone its hard to bounce back after the separation but it's possible in due time. Just gotta stop talking about him/her to your friends and distance yourself from him/her and their friends & family too :)

~QTP

Ms. Camile said...

You're on point! Friends sometimes make it worse. They won't let you forget and move on. Thanks for readin!