There's something in there! For sure. Of course I've seen a little bobbing baby on the ultrasounds since I found out, but not feeling the baby move still makes is rather surreal. Like you know....but you can't feel...so you wonder...is everything okay?
About 6 weeks ago, I had an encouraging conversation with friends. I was really down about how things have been going. Excited about the baby but unhappy of everything else and utterly petrified of the birthing experience. So it all came out as we were conversing about everything and nothing in particular. I was calmed through that conversation. I was able to identify what was the true reason behind my anxiety. The bible says be anxious for nothing but seemingly, no matter how much I prayed, I kept feeling anxiety! I had to first identify where the conflict was coming from so I could release it. It worked! For a while...
Fast forward to two weeks ago, I felt anxiety creep up again. This is how it goes. About two days before my doctor's appointments I start feeling anxiety. They are every two weeks so this happens every two weeks lol. I can't feel her moving, I had this pain, is she okay? And once I'm in the chair, blood pressure is through the roof! But after I hear that heartbeat or see her on the screen and she's completely fine, they take my blood pressure again and it's normal. I take it at home, normal! So I'm thinking to myself, if you know this is your pattern, why does it keep happening? Well two weeks ago it happened again. I was reading my development app and from what I was reading I should have been feeling her kick! Major time. And the doctor had asked me last time if I had felt her kick. So I started to panic. But she was fine! When I saw her on the screen she was flapping her arms like a fish! And come to find out, as I saw her kicking I felt the familiar flutters that I wasn't sure were her so I'd kinda been feeling her all along, just not the strong kicks. Then, they pushed my due date back! A full week too. So my development app was ahead! All that anxiety for nothing. I'm learning to just calm down and relax. Everything will be okay! I'm Jesus name. And it is, I felt her kicking the very next week.
Now back to the title of this blog, just had to give you an update since I haven't written in a while. I started school and its no joke! I am feeling legitimate baby movements now! I actually missed class last week because her moving made me nauseous! I was afraid to move. And it's constant! She doesn't stop. So since Last Wednesday, I've had a little girl in their feeling as if she's trying to come out! That's the only way I can explain it. I commented last night that it feels weird and amazing but mostly weird! And she loves music apparently, especially Christian music because whenever it comes on, she gets to moving. And she's clearly as nosy as her mother because whenever she hears a new voice I start feeling it. I'm just concerned. She moves soooo fast on the ultrasound. Will I feel all of that? I'm so not ready smh. Just last week I was telling my friend how I want to feel the kicks! I already still don't look really pregnant! One friend is convinced I'm faking lol. I'm like I need a baby sign, a sign of life. Well I got my sign! And my friend told me, I'd be wishing I hadn't asked for it lol. I love that I can feel her moving because I know she's okay but it is weird, I must reiterate.
Well, I'm sorry I've kept you long...hope you're having a great day and thank you to each person who has taken the time to read my blogs. I appreciate it. Check out Ceecee's latest photo. She's so cute! Lol