Pages

3/06/2013

To Spank or Not to Spank


My husband is my best friend. And just like best friends we disagree and we get mad at each other but we can never stay mad long. Especially me. It's just that cute smile and that round face. Gets me every time. And now that CeeCee is coming, we are just turning into better people. It's crazy how a child can change your life.

The other day we had a conversation about disciplining. It was supposed to be serious but of course it ended in laughter. *sigh*. I've edently come to the conclusion that I do not want to spank CeeCee. I know this may sound wrong and against my Christian beliefs but I've been thinking about it. Does God come down and whip us with belt?Sometimes our trials may feel like it and yes sometimes we suffer physical pain. I can attest to that for sure! But he doesn't punish, he disciplines and that's through situations designed to teach us, strenghten us and grow us. These situations can Be learning to love and trust and to still have joy through the loss of a loved on or illness, learning to have faith in a dark place and many other examples. I understand that the bible says "spare the rod, spoil the child" but I've grown to understand that that "rod" doesn't necessarily have to be physical punishment. Besides, every child isn't receptive to that. I remember my mother just talking to me and letting me know how disappointed she was. That was worse than any spanking.

I've told this story before but I'm telling it again just for yoy. I once burnt my aunts rugs. Two of them. I'd seen my mom take a paper towel, twist it in a cone share and turn on the front burner to light the paper towel in order to light the back burnerer that wasn't coming on properly. So I did the same thing. I rolled up the paper towel into the cone shape, turned on the burner, lit the paper towel and then tried to light the other broiler. I was like 6 so I don't even know WHY I was doing this. I wasn't cooking lol. I believe my aunt had the burner on for heat (hood heaters). So the paper got too hot and I couldn't blow it out and I dropped it on her rug by the stove! And then poured water on it, cleaned up the mess and went back to sleep but there was still a small burn on her rug. Why oh why didn't I just stay asleep? I went BACK to the stove and did the exact same thing again only this time my burning paper towel almost made it to the sink but I dropped it on her OTHER rug in front of the sink and made an even bigger burn. And these were pink rugs so there was no hiding it. My mom came over to pick us up and I pretended to be sleep as she questioned my sister about the burnt rugs. My sister kept saying no so my mom woke me up and asked me. I just followed my sister's lead and denied it too! But soon I got tired of lying and admitted to it. My mom said, you're getting a whoopping, not because you burnt the rugs but because you lied. Her and my aunt argued about what they'd whip me with until my mom just took off her shoe and tore me up! That was such an awful whooping but the worse part was the talking afterward. My mom was just heartbroken that I had lied because before she began her questioning she specifically told me "You will not get a whooping if you don't lie"! She was crying and I was crying. I was so sad that I had disappointed her. Do you know that to this day, almost 30 years old and I STILL can't lie to my mother? Lol. Like I jut can't. Even if I try, I end up laughing and she knows. She always knows!

That story proves that the chastisement doesn't always have to come from a physical punishment. My mother's words are what changed me. And after reading Victor Riiver's book "A Private Family Matter" (depicts a story of a family who was severly beaten and tortured by their father. 6 kids in total. All of them grew up and do not use physical punishment for their children dispute the abuse they endured), I'm convinced that I just don't want to spank CeeCee. And I watched the Wayan's family on Oprah this past weekend; neither Keenan or Marlon spank their children, even though they grew up getting spanke, and their kids tuned out fine. In my MFT class, my professor said that physical punishment never corrects behavior. It may suppress it but it doesn't actually stop the behavior. So I'm praying and asking God for guidance because I never thought this would even be an issue for me. I got spanked and turned out fine! But I just don't want to go that route with my precious baby girl who I just wanna hug and love and give the world to!

So I told Orlando about my revelation, how I want to NOT whoop CeeCee and I want him to do the same. He laughed. And I got offended. Like listen, let's just not whoop her okay? Let's see if she'd even need whoopings because she's gonna be a sweet girl! He said, "Camile, as soon as she does something bad you're gonna be the first one with the belt!" We both laughed. But that's not funny! I'm committed to not whooping CeeCee but he doesn't believe me. I'm just going to keep praying because I want to do what's right for my girl.

1 comment:

Reggie said...

Spare the rod, spoil the child. If you don't spank your children, someone else might end up beating them......remember I said that.

Love your children enough to spank them.